Monday, April 28, 2008

The day I ruined Mike's Food

Okay, first off, damn you people and your incessant demands for more posts. Isn't one every two months good enough for you? :) You know I'm kidding. I appreciate the pushing. I feel like a mule stuck in the corroded mire of a wet, Mexican road; and you, those who are pushing me to keep blogging, are the cursing Mexican farmers wondering why I'm such an ass. It's all done in love, of course. (And yes, I am allowed to make Mexican-related allegories because I served there. I know my beans!)

Anyway, as I've been thinking about what to post (because I hate posting about the normal stuff, ya know.. eating, pooping, and sleeping) I found, in the dewey decimal system of my mind, a colorful little card titled, "The day I ruined Mike's Food."

It happened about a week ago. I came home one night hungry and ready to buzz my breast. (Slang for microwaving my chicken) As I turned on the microwave, however, the 80's era outlet it was plugged into tripped, like it usually does. So, I went into the back room and reset the switch, then I unplugged the mini fridge that resides next to the microwave so I could press the reset button and thus attempt once more the process of making dinner.

Fast forward to the next day at 6:00pm.

I was sitting in my room, researching Tetris strategies online, when I heard a groan in the front room with sounds akin to somebody sawing off an appendage. My first reaction was concern, which quickly matured into a full-fledged scare when I heard something slam shut and yet another horrific groan. I entered the kitchen and encountered a furious bear, throwing items from the fridge into the trash can with such raw force that it seemed miraculous to me that the bottles and such weren't breaking. Oh, and it wasn't a bear. It was Mike.

All of the food in the fridge had gone bad - soymilk, capers, lunch meat, mustard, and some mayonnaise. It was a disaster. When he explained the situation to me, I wondered what moron would unplug the fridge. Then, like a bucket of cold water, I realized that I, Barry, was the moron who had unplugged the fridge.

I didn't tell Mike immediately. I wanted to figure out how I was going to do this. He was pissed, and I was NOT in the mood to be mauled. So I went back to my room and let my thoughts simmer while I played Tetris. Five minutes later I walked into the front room. Dirty jobs was on TV.

"Hey Mike."

I acted completely nonchalant.

"I unplugged the fridge last night when the microwave tripped the breaker."


"I'll buy you new food."

"Cool, man."

And that was the day I ruined Mike's food.



  1. I'm so glad you're back! I don't mind being called a mexican as long as it's for a good cause.

  2. pics of Red Cliffs....well, I guess I'll have to accept this entry. JK!!oh, that sounded like something I would do!!You are your mother's son!
    do you realize just exactly how nerdy it sounds to be researching Tetris strategies, hahahahah I LOVE YOU!!

  3. So did you buy him new food? Cause capers are pretty expensive!

    P.S. You're the best writer I know! Will you be a guest blogger on my blog when I'm on vacation?

    Thanks Barry!