Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Too Nice?

I recently read that women sometimes dump a guy because he's "too nice." What? Too nice? Really? Because I justify breaking up with somebody if they're too mean, too weird, too grumpy, too crazy, too stuck-up, too boring, and too inclined to place "and that's a fact!" at the end of every sentence. Really, I'm fine with that. Because those are obvious flaws that get in the way from enjoying yourself with somebody.

But does being "too nice" get in the way of that? Aren't we taught to be nice? Is it bad to go out of your way to hold the door for somebody now? Or offer a ride when they need one? Call an ambulance when they're bleeding profusely? I don't know. Maybe the more desirable guy smiles and watches her bleed. Maybe he's a little nice, so he tosses her a phone. "Here, babe, call an ambulance. You're bleeding. Oh, and call a dry cleaner as well. You bled on me." Wow. He's a keeper.

When you go out, the more desirable guy refuses to open the door for her. He's a little nice, so he kindly warns her not to get his car dirty. "Babe, I noticed your shoes are dirty. You need to take them off before you get in. I only warn you 'cause I don't wanna have to beat you later." What a charmer!


Okay, so I'm likely going overboard. I know there are people who feel the need to have a bit of a game in the relationship. The game grows stale when your significant other caters to every whim, desire, and thought you have. It's just not fun to have somebody admiring you endlessly. (Not that I know that from experience, but I can imagine it would get tiresome, fast.)

In my humble opinion, though, I don't think you have to sacrifice kindness to keep the game interesting. Straight up breaking up with somebody because they're "too nice" seems asinine. Seriously, folks, there are so many worse traits a significant other could have.


I'd like to invite any women out there (and men, for that matter) to give me your thoughts on this. Is there some strange, evasive creature in the mind of a woman that does, in fact, tire of kindness? I'm all ears...


  1. what really worries me is that dude keeps calling her "babe."

    well, i do agree, it is weird that girls would break up with a guy cuz he's too nice. usually "too nice" is code for "no backbone" or "too wussy," and that's not desirable. we don't like guys we can walk all over.

    the "too nice" you're thinking about isn't the "too nice" we're referring to. do you see the difference?

    on that same note, you might enjoy this (please excuse the profanity: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

  2. ok... firstly, I wonder where you recently read this? It sounds like something out of Cosmo or something stupid. I think that may be true according to the average party girl... women wanting the bad boy. But I do think anyone looking for someone to be with and stay with, i.e. marry, is looking for just that: a nice guy.

  3. I agree completely with both of the previous comments, and now I'll just toss my own two cents in.

    I like a "nice" guy. I like good, nurturing, kind, gentle men...but I also like a man who will go out there and "fight" for those he loves. Whether that fight takes place at work as he "fights" to make a living to support his family or whether that fight is an actual physical one. I don't know a single girl who hasn't unrealistically dreamt of a "knight in shining armor" who would rescue them from certain peril. Personally, I like a man who challenges me, who doesn't agree with every little thing that comes out of my mouth. I don't want a man who grovels at my feet and caters to my every whim...okay maybe a little of the latter would be nice, but if you want total adoration and obedience...get a dog. Although either one can be rough on the furniture. :)

  4. Oooh, I like this so far.

    I, too, think that the "nice guy" that is undesirable to women is the guy that has no backbone. A man should fight for his woman. He should also openly discuss things with her. I think a man who accepts everything the woman says as the final law is as messed up as the woman who accepts everything the man says as the final law. The key to a good relationship is open communication, in my opinion, so I can see why a woman would be turned off to a guy who grovels like a dog to please her.

    As for those women who want a jerk - the "party girls" if you will - they can have him, because real people who care less about drama and more about a great relationship (like me) don't want that girl anyway.

    You've all made excellent points thus far. Thank you for your responses! It helps so much to organize my thoughts when I can enjoy the views of others.

    Zaida, by the way, that article was brilliant.

  5. I liked your post. It made me laugh and sigh from your humor and the truthfulness. Jeff had at least one girlfriend who thought he was "too nice." She would make fun of him and do nasty things to try to get him to show his "real side." I'd really like to meet her some day, and show her my "real side." I'd break her like a vending machine. Anyway, any girl who does that is dumb, so at least there is a method for girls who aren't worth it to root themselves out of your life! So, yeah, I slightly disagree with the other three posts, because my husband does have backbone and is not wussy, but he has been considered "too nice," because he didn't make fun of people or say catty things or get mad easily. So, some girls are idiots. (not the three who commented, the girls who really do dump guys because they are "too nice") (the three who commented are lucky to not have met weird girls like this or know men who have been mistreated by them)

  6. .I like nice guys! Here's a list of things I don't like. Too needy, arrogant, insensative, and mean.

    Sometimes it's just an excuse when there's not chemistry for the other person.