Sunday, November 23, 2008

What song will you hear when you die?

Imagine that moment when you pass from this life into the next. I know, I know... it's not a thing you think about everyday, but sooner or later we're all going to die.

So - like I said before - imagine you've just moved on. You're at that point where you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and little glowy things float around you and things are beginning to get very beautiful and very peaceful. What music do you hear playing?

Now, I don't know if you will really hear any music playing (doctrine on that is still pending) but if your life were a movie, and you'd just died, what music would accompany that part of the film? It's a fun question to think about. Would you choose something soft... with strings? Something spacey? Maybe a famous song from an opera or musical. Would it be a sad sounding song? Happy sounding? I'm interested in your responses.

Here is mine:


Saturday, November 22, 2008

A Good Lesson to Learn

BYU lost tonight. It wasn't even close. On the coat-tails of Max Hall's five interceptions and one fumble, the Utes rode into their second BCS busting season. That's okay, though. I'm at peace with the loss. In my opinion, the team played wonderfully except for one poor guy that will forever be known as the scapegoat of this game. Max Hall will have a hard time, I think, getting over this one. It was a complete meltdown - something the likes of which you rarely see in any sport. I feel bad for the guy.

I'm good, though. I've decided that when life hands me a win, I will enjoy it to the last drop. I will savor the great times. Likewise, when life hands me a loss, I will remember that there is no sadness, no disappointment, no broken heart in that moment unless I allow that moment to be sad, disappointing, or heartbreaking. In doing this, I empower myself to enjoy the good things in life, and brush off the bad.

There's always next year. And with a bowl win the Cougars will go 11-2 for the year, which is a very good season. : )


Friday, November 21, 2008

There is no doubt...

I know the Utes are seven point favorites for the game tomorrow. I also know that the cougars haven't played exceptionally well away from home. And I know that many think the Utah defense is too much for my boys in blue.

Some part of me, though, truly believes that BYU can pull this thing off tomorrow. With that said, we've decked out the house with our lights and banners, in the hope that by some crazy, unknown law of the universe, this might increase our chances for victory.

May the Cougars emerge tomorrow night, from this most bitter and intense of rivalries, with a victory.



Monday, November 17, 2008

Picture Time

Ooooh, yeah. It's Monday, and you know what that means - it's picture time. And that gives you just one more reason to look forward to Mondays. You never know what you're going to get. It could be pictures of animals. It could be pictures of a homeless man. It could be pictures of you, as I spy on you and post this from my laptop in my car outside your house and/or apartment and/or shanty.

Actually I don't own a laptop, so you don't need to worry about me posting from my car while I watch you.

. . .

Oh, and I'm not a peeping tom, either.

But seriously, Mondays are about to get a whole lot cooler, what with all the picture taking and such. Be sure to eat carrots and other wholesome foods rich in Vitamin A throughout the week, but especially on Saturday and Sunday because then, on Monday, your eyes will be in tip-top shape to take in the wonders of the world as they are seen through the lens of my camera.

Tonights first wonder of the world:

That's right. Gas at $1.85. I celebrated by buying a gallon, pouring it into a five-gallon drum, and lighting it. Then I drove a sand buggy around the flame, whooping and hollering like a savage. Why did I do this, you ask? I don't know. I saw it in a movie once. "The Road Warrior". Check it out.

Tonight's second wonder of the world:

Dad and I ingeniously attached a large, blue "Y" to the top of the house so that the denizens of Sandy understand unequivocally that we are BYU fans. This is important. I'm not sure why, but it is.

And this is a close up of that same "Y". We've attached it to the furnace exhaust which is hardly warm. The Y will soon be accompanied by two large five-gallon drums of gasoline, burning like war pyres into the cold November night. In fact, with gas this cheap, I'll probably be bathing in it for the next few weeks.

Lastly, I leave you with this picture of a pair of scissors. It's a textural delight!


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Tonight's Advice

1) Always wear gloves when raking, no matter how well you think your hands might stand up to the rigors of yard work. That fleshy part between your thumb and forefinger is very likely to get blistered if you deny the protection of a glove.

2) Be especially mindful of a sunset when it is overcast or partly cloudy outside, as such weather conditions are likely to bring a more dramatic ending to the day. See the picture below for an example of this.

3) If there are flowers in the house, shoot them. With your camera.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Mormons and Jews and Their Dead, Oh My.

If you keep up with world news, you've heard of the ordeal between the LDS church and the Jewish people and the issue of baptizing the victims of the Holocaust. If you haven't heard about it, the argument lies in the fact that the Jews don't like that the Mormons are baptizing their dead people and destroying the "Jewishness" of their ancestors.

Which makes me wonder if the Jews really understand what happens when we do the ordinance of baptizing for the dead. Just because the ordinance is performed doesn't mean that great-great-grandma Mabel is going to accept the ordinance and become a Mormon. If you tell me that in her life on Earth she was the most strict, devout Jew you'd ever known, I don't doubt that she is, right now in the spirit world, the most strict, devout Jew you've ever known. Will she accept the gospel when it is preached to her? Who knows. But to be fair, the members of the Mormon church do temple work - which involves baptisms for the dead - to give her an opportunity.

Why would you get mad at another church for performing an ordinance that can, if anything, only help your dead relatives?

If the Methodist church started doing baptisms for all of my dead, Mormon ancestors, would I mind?

No. Honestly, I wouldn't care at all.

You might ask "How can you not be offended that they may be turning your ancestors to their church?"

The answer is simple: I, and those of my faith, believe that only the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints holds the authority to perform such ordinances. Any other church doing the same thing is doing so in the absence of authority. It would have no value on the other side. It's water under the bridge.

This leads me to believe that these Jews, who are angered by our practice of baptizing for the dead, must believe that we have authority from God to do so. Which I will take as a compliment. :) Why else would it matter to them what we do? You don't hear the leaders of the Baptist church coming forward to complain about this. Why? Because they think we're just a bunch of peculiar people with large families and no beer in the fridge. They let us go on with our practices and ordinances with a measure of respect, and probably figure we're going to hell anyway, so our so called "authority" has no meaning. That's okay with me. Let every man worship as he sees fit.

Here's the thing, though: In the Millenium, baptisms for the dead will be performed for every single person that has lived on this earth that didn't have the opportunity to receive the gospel in their lifetime. This includes the victims of the Holocaust. The work will be done, now or later, which is why the Mormon church is glad to refrain from doing the work for those people at this time. Why cause a ruckus? Let things work themselves out in their own, due time.


P.S. I have nothing against the Jews for this at all. Like I said before, I take this entire action as a compliment, because they obviously respect our church or they wouldn't care what we did in behalf of the dead. I just wanted to express some ideas that came to mind.

Monday, November 10, 2008

More fun with Word Verification

"Hey, can you hold dis apple foriment. I has to chase a cat. I'll be right back."

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Colbert is Hilarious

Oh man... this is funny. If you've never seen these fake interviews before, you've gotta check out Steve Colbert's site at



Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Let it snow! Let it snow!

Today the generous heavens dropped seven, count 'em, SEVEN inches of 100 percent pure, Columbia-grade, high quality SNOW! Oh, man, it looks good! So I took some pictures...

May this winter be full of raging snow storms, epic snowball fights, and snowflakes the size of small birds.


Monday, November 3, 2008

That Dinosaur is Sneaky!

So I was on my way up to Sandy from Provo earlier this evening, when my car cried out in hunger. When my tank gets below 1/8th full, it "dings" four times. In car language, this translates to "I need more gas!" or "Feed me, I'm hungry!" or anything else that has four words in it. (The car language is very loosely translated)

Anyway, I happened to be right near the Sinclair gas station right there at the corner of University Parkway and UVU, so I pulled in. The price for regular unleaded was $2.57 - not entirely a good deal, considering I've seen some places with gas in the 2.40's and lower, but I was there and it was convenient.

Well, when I started pumping the gas, I looked at the gauge, which read $2.62 / gallon. Five cents is nothing to get in a huff over, especially when with a full tank of gas it only amounts to about 60 cents difference. When I finished filling up, though, I thought I'd let the gas station people (as they like to be called) know about the discrepancy.

I walked in and notified them of the error, with absolutely NO malice, cynicism, sarcasm, or hate in my voice - just being casual. The kid behind the counter - a gaunt, lanky kid in his early 20's - turns to me with obvious attitude in his voice and says, "Sir, I don't know if you saw when you came walking in here, but there's a sign out there that says if you pay cash you get five cents off. Otherwise it's the normal price."

"Oh, okay." I nodded. "Thanks for the clarification. I didn't see the sign."

He continued with his attitude, looking at me, mouth open, head cocked to the side, "Maybe next time you should just pay cash and you won't have to worry about it."

"Yeah. I'll do that." I left the store puzzled at his insistence on being such an ass. I wasn't about to make his day worse, though. Sometimes, you just gotta let people be jerks, ya know? Maybe he had a real bad day. Maybe his girlfriend just dumped him and his house burned down. Maybe his dog came down with a really awful farting sickness and he's just really sick of the smell. You never know.

One thing, though, stands for sure: I am not a fan of Sinclair's shady price posting.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

It's Time to Get Your November On!

I've come to the conclusion that Halloween serves more of a purpose than most people think. Think about it: Bears load up on nuts, berries, roots, and tasty rabbits before entering their winter hibernation, right? Well, Hallows Eve serves the same purpose for kids! It's name actually derives from it being the last day children are "Hollow", or without fat. They roam the streets in search of their final meal to fatten up for the winter! Once the pagan holiday has passed, children sit merrily in their dens as they gorge themselves on any number of sugar-filled, fat-brimmed goodies.

When winter comes, and that snow starts falling, they're prepared! They've maximized their height/mass ratio so that, when sledding, they hurdle down the mountain at optimum speed. Rolling in the snow becomes much more effortless as their bodies take on a uniquely round shape when squeezed into their favorite winter clothes. And parents are forced into the menial task of removing snow when they realize that their children are unable to make any headway on the driveway as snow piles up faster behind them than they are able to remove it! The children, of course, have planned for this all along.

You just watch, people. You'll see them all rounding up nicely and soon they'll be beating you down the mountain!

On another note, I made a new header for November. You've probably already noticed it. Lemme know if you like it.

Oh, and I made some home made grape juice this weekend! Our neighbors out back grow grapes on the fence, but never harvest them. I usually wouldn't harvest them either; but since we, as a nation, are in a bit of an economic pickle right now I'd feel guilty watching them rot on the vine. If the "Grapes of Wrath" are here, we might as well eat em!

Making the juice consisted of four easy steps:
1) Wash the grapes. See thousands of little spiders flee from their tiny webs as you do so. Second guess the juice idea.
2) Mash the grapes into a slimy, unappetizing mass of goo. Second guess the juice idea.
3) Add water to the goop and boil. Ignore the thoughts of boiling spiders in your grape juice.
4) Strain the result. Notice how juice-like the final product really is. Nod in approval at your creation.

And this is how it turned out:

More like Kearn's nectar than grape juice. But it tastes really good, has a "healthy" kick to it, and thus far has caused no internal distress.

In fact, there are purple grapes back there as well. I'm tempted to make another batch.


Saturday, November 1, 2008


I was filling out a word-verification field to post on somebody's blog and saw this:

"Baby, I always has you in mah memariz..."