Thursday, February 19, 2009

10 People for a Whopper

Burger King recently ran a promotion in which if you sacrificed 10 of your facebook friends, you'd get a free whopper. Everybody knows nowadays that we all have friends on facebook that we don't even know - people that wandered in one day from the plain of society to graze in our pastures for a moment, only to disappear into the sunset of the next day and never be heard from again. I have a handful of these kinds of "friends": a guy from England that I've never actually spoken to, an Egyptian man that likes my art, a girl from California that dated my brother for a week, among others. The circumstances under which they became my friends were varied, but all held a common denominator - my inability to push the "no" button when they asked to be a part of my electronic life.

Having friends in strange places isn't necessarily a bad thing. Neither is having friends in low places, where the whiskey flows and the beer chases my blues away. (Garth Brooks) Really, though, it doesn't hurt to have friends you never talk to. There's no facebook tax for the quantity of friends you have, so you're welcome to add anybody and everybody that crosses your path. It is nice to know, then, that every once in awhile somebody like Burger King will come by to reward you for cleaning house. It's nice to get rid of those few stale kilobytes that sit idly at the bottom of the list, ya know? Make life just a little bit less complicated. And if you can get your hands on a thick, juicy whopper while doing it, I don't see how you can go wrong. Unless you have a heart attack. Yes. Then things can go horribly wrong, especially when you consider that you'll have ten less people there to console you when it happens.

For now, Burger King has discontinued the carnage. But according to their website, 233,906 friends were removed. Which means that 23,390 Whoppers were consumed - grossly thickening the arterial walls of America.

Maybe next year Jamba Juice will do something similar: "Heart-wrenching, heart-healthy fun! Ten friends for a free smoothie! No limit!"

Now THAT's a promotion.



  1. you freaking nut, i saw your thing on facebook, and i was wondering what the heck you were talking about - glad to see you didn't get ready of any of your friends

  2. Off to see if we're still Facebook friends...

  3. Julie, I could NEVER knock you off of my friends list.

  4. I am shocked, sell your friends for a mess o burger!!! shocked, how mercenary are people!? on the other hand, if mcDonald's offered a mcflurry...and I dont even have THAT many friends!