Last night at about midnight I had the late night munchies. I usually satiate them with a bowl of cereal, but when I opened the fridge, to my dismay, there was no milk. I looked through my cupboards and considered a bagel, oatmeal, or even garbanzo beans as alternative options. (Yeah, I don't have much food in the cupboards because we're moving out next week and I don't want to have to move a bunch of food. So I'm slowly working through all the random stuff that has been sitting up there.)
With nothing but lame snacking options in the apartment, I decided to hit up McDonalds. Why McDonalds? Well, I had a coupon for a free fry and drink with the purchase of any Angus burger. I figured I'd give the new sandwich a try. I should have known, though, that ANY McDonalds - Angus or otherwise - is a mistake at 12:00am.
I brought my greasy prize back to my place and ate it while watching a show about what will happen when the sun explodes in ten billion years. That's the history channel for ya. It's all about the sun exploding, or the bible code, or UFO's. I can't blame them, really. I mean, there's only so much history, ya know? After you've covered the facts, you gotta start covering the shady stuff (bigfoot, UFO's, ghosts) and when you've played the hell out of that record, you venture into the future. **End of tangent**
What's funny about eating McDonalds is that your body suddenly realizes that you're trying to kill it. In retaliation, it puts you into an immediate coma so it can sort out the maelstrom in your stomache and vindictively deposit the fat in your _____ (insert fattest body part here.) After the meal I stumbled to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, and then passed out, only to awaken this morning with what I like to call, "the McHangover." I felt greasy, bloated, and somehow I could still taste the Angus, even though I'd brushed my teeth the night before. I popped a couple of Tums, drank some water, and promptly tore up the other coupon I have sitting on my desk for a free Angus burger.
It'll be a long time before I do that again. I can't say it'll never happen, because, invariably, there will come another time when at 12:00am I'm feeling the munchies and, dissatisfied with my options in my cupboard, I will venture out to eat something I'll regret the next day.