Thursday, October 29, 2009

I try not to hate...

But I thought I'd share some pet peeves with you anyway.

One: If YoU aRe OvEr ThE aGe oF 14 yOu ShOuLd NEVER tYpE lIkE tHiS!

This is something a thirteen year old girl does when she first discovers the shift key. It's an exciting day for her. If you are a grown woman and you type like this, I feel sorry for you. You probably brag about wearing your teenage daughters clothes. You still obsess over your popularity in high school. Your fake tan and mani-pedi take precedence over the well-being of your children who are, in your shallow eyes, only extensions of your popularity. Grow the hell up!

Two: Consider the sketch below...

I'm turning left. Moron there is turning right. Moron has the right of way, so I time my left turn according to when Moron will have turned right, allowing me to swing in behind him. It's a very efficient plan until Moron sees me beginning to turn left and freaks out and stops. I'm like "MORON! Go! You have the right of way!" Meanwhile, traffic is closing in and I'm out in the middle of the street, which forces me into going ahead of Moron, making me look like a traffic jerk.

If you have the right of way in this situation, GO!

That is all for now.

Thank you. :)


Monday, October 26, 2009

Life Lessons #112 - Eating With a Cold

When you have a really awful cold, don't go buy an Asian chicken dish at Applebee's. You're likely to look like you're tweaking and homeless (red eyes, sporatic shaking, shabby clothing) and you'll probably end up infecting somebody. Oh, and you won't taste the dish at all.

Your coke will taste like carbonated water. Your food completely devoid of flavor. You might stick your face in the bowl in a desperate attempt to smell the goodness through the fog of your cold, and you'll get that momentary glimmer of what this meal would taste like were you healthy. For the most part, though, texture is the only thing you'll enjoy.

You'll notice that the almonds crunch nicely in contrast to the firm, juicy chicken. You'll appreciate the crispness of the broccoli and carrots and the sticky texture the rice brings, but after all is said and done, you're a blind man watching a sunrise. The warmth of the sun is there, but the brilliant color goes unnoticed.


My Sister, the Interior Designer

Shannon, my sister, is an incredibly talented designer. She has a knack for turning any room into a page out of the latest home magazine.

Because of her wonderful talent, she was featured today on Studio 5!! They did a story on how to shop at thrift stores to find items for decorating your home. How my sister renovates these items is nothing short of miraculous. They look amazing.

See for yourself...

Good job, Sis!


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Kanye Carve Pumpkins?

When we first talked about carving pumpkins, my roommate, Steve, had mentioned that he wanted to somehow incorporate some "rapper blinds" and a fedora he had lying around into his carving. "Could you carve Kanye West into a pumpkin?" Steve inquired.

Rapper Blinds.

I laughed, simultaneously pondering how cool and difficult it would be to carve Kanye West's likeness into a pumpkin. "No. Hehe... I mean... it would certainly be fun to try."

My mind started working on how I might go about attempting this feat.

This is how I made it happen:

1) Get a picture of Kanye Online. Something With shadow, lighting from the side, not too complex.

Like this.

2) In photoshop, paint white outlines over the light areas. Fill the background with grey. Select both the white areas and the grey background. Make an inverse selection and fill what is left with black. Add the "blinds" effect to his sunglasses.

Slick piece of art, even by itself.

3) Once you've got that created, print out the picture. Unless, of course, you have no printer. (I have no printer) In this case you tape a piece of paper to your screen and trace your carving template - wondering the entire time if you're causing irreparable damage to your LCD screen, which swirls in small whirlpools under the pressure of your pencil.

Tracing works well in this case. Be light with your fingers, though. Not worth replacing an LCD screen... even for Kanye.

4) You've got the traced template. Label the sections accordingly as to where you'll carve, where you'll skim, etc.

Thank you, David, for holding the paper.

5) Open the pumpkin and carve out the innards. Eat them. You'll need the energy for the long, arduous journey ahead.

Don't really eat them.

6) Tape the paper to the pumpkin and use a punchy thing (came in a carving kit) to poke holes along the lines into the pumpkin below. When you've punched the entire thing into the pumpkin - you'll know because your hands will be cramping horribly - take off the paper and start carving.

Yeah, I skipped the picture for the paper-taped-to-pumpkin step. I apologize. What you see here is me carving out the peices after I'd punched the template into the pumpkin.

7) Carve into the pumpkin on the outside so that light can bleed through, creating a nice background to your Kanye. Place a fedora on his head to give him that true, modern rapper look.

Damn, gangsta. You lookin good.

8) Turn off the lights. Place a candle in the pumpkin. And enjoy your carving.

I was extremely happy with the end result.

Kanye is a little bulb-ified because of the roundness of the pumpkin. It's hard to get that template to translate well onto the curved surface of the pumpkin without getting some distortion.

It took a lot of work, but in the words of Kanye himself, "N-n-now that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger..." :)


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Fighting a Virus

I spent a handy little chunk of change on this last night...

...with the hopes that it would miraculously eradicate my cold. It says it's clinically proven to drastically reduce the duration of your cold. It also asks you to drink plenty of fluids. What is it about fluids that makes your cold go away? We've been told since we were kids that you need plenty of rest and fluids. You drink lots of water, eat soupy things with chicken in them, consume teas with names like "Raspberry Sunshine" and "Citrus Starlight" ... but why? Do you expel the virus when you pee?

I decided the internet would best answer my question. I could have chosen WebMD, or - both valid, knowledgeable databases of health information. I decided, though, on Yahoo Answers - the "homeless-man-who-knows-everything" of the internet.

I typed in "When sick, why do people say drink a lot of fluids?"

A few of my favorite answers (no corrections made to their posts):

Engrishman says: "the fluids can be swallowed easily, and there may not be digesion problem and the bad items, ill-bactiria will go out thr' urine and the other for which easy digesion and more water necessary. As the fluid contains major water and hence it is best suggested and in vogue."

WatsPunctuation says: "Because when you are sick you lose fluid through sweating from a fever and not eating because you don't feel well if you don't keep fluids in your system you will dehydrate and then you will have even bigger problems. Drink drink drink"

Apparently I'm in danger of being dehydrated. It sounds to me like that info applies more to a flu than a cold, but I'll err on the side of caution.


Monday, October 12, 2009

A New Look!

Lately, I've decided that the sketchy, messy look was getting old. I wanted something more polished... something sharper... something cleaner.

The new format is still being worked on. I have a few more things to do with it before it's final, but I love it thus far because it provides me with canvas I can customize monthly, while keeping things consistent and looking good.

Hooray for new looks!


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Life Lessons #34 - Arguments

I think it's good to know how to argue, but I think it's equally important to know how to respect the opinions of another while arguing.

There are times when good arguing skills are crucial. For example, say you know the correct procedure for open heart surgery and your fellow colleague is about to perform it incorrectly. You must argue well in that situation until he realizes that you are, in fact, correct. A life is saved and countless medical lawsuits are avoided. If you know you're absolutely correct, and the argument is as important as this example, be sure to put money on the argument. You might as well make a few bucks when it's all said and done.

On other occasions this skill proves to be valuable, but not entirely important. Arguments over who cleans the most in a household, for example, mean nothing in the long run and gain you nothing more than your pride in the short run when won. You may try to argue it for a moment, simply to hone your skills, but must be sure to concede when you see that the situation begins to feel less intellectually stimulating and more like a fist fight. Injured feelings, broken property and/or jail time are not suitable ends to an argument in a situation like this. Also, be sure never to put money on a trivial issue. This is reckless gambling, which is NOT cool.

Remember: It's good to know how to argue well. It's better to know when to argue well.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Zombieland is a movie that has no real plot, merits no academy awards, lacks in meaningful themes, but still makes you laugh your butt off. It's not a movie you'd take your kids to, unless you take your kids to movies with a lot of graphic, zombie blood and adult language. If that's you, I'd like to slap you. That's right. Next time, take your kids to something nice like... No. Definitely not the Hanna Montana Movie. I'll slap you for that as well. You take them to that nice little movie with the meatballs that fall from the sky. Yeah. That's good for kids.

The movie follows an awkward, college-age kid (Jesse Eisenberg) who finds himself alone as the only non-Zombie in his small, mid-American town. He soon meets up with a few others who have yet to be plagued with the Zombie disease and they make their way across the country with the ultimate goal of finding "Pacific Playland" - a theme park in Los Angeles that is rumored to be zombie-free.

The movie is fun, light-hearted, and full of quotes that you'll remember for their hilarity. Woody Harrelson's character is especially funny as the tough, but tender-hearted Tallahassee - a man who knows how to kick ass, but also enjoys the little things in life, especially Twinkies. It also features a cameo by Bill Murray, who plays his usual, funny self.

Remember, though. I warned you about the gore and the language. If you can't take either, I suggest you steer clear of this one and go watch the movie with the meatballs in the sky.


This one's for you, Tallahassee...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Peruvian Food is Good

Scott, David and I went to a little restaurant on Center Street in Provo called "Se Llama Peru," or - in English - "It's Called Peru."

The food was excellent. We all got the Lomo Saltado - a dish of succulently fried beef, tomatoes, and onions laid over a bed of french fries and served with rice. There is a slightly spicy, slightly tangy dipping sauce that almost resembles the salad dressing from Cafe Rio. Yes, it could very well be an entree on This is Why You're, but it's relatively cheap (9 bucks for three meals worth of food) and delicious.

If you're in Provo, and you'd like to stray from the norm, I'd thoroughly recommend it. :)