Thursday, February 18, 2010

Unfinished Business

I start blog posts all the time that never get finished. If I begin writing something with only a mediocre resolve, what begins as a fair-sized fire in my belly inevitably fades into the last, flickering gasps of an aged candle. The post is then tossed into the dusty attic that is "blogger drafts."

I was fingering through some of these old posts tonight with the possibility in mind that I might finish one of them, but decided instead to just post some choice, miscatalogued fragments for your enjoyment.

Drafted: 10/2009
Title: none

"I have this fear that always nags at the back of my head that I'm somehow misrepresenting myself to people. It's quite often that I'll be talking to somebody while wondering if my body language and facial language are being true to what I'm trying to communicate."

Drafted: 04/2009
Title: Strange Talkers

"Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld with the different types of talkers? There was a guy who talked really close. One who talked really low. One who... well, I don't remember the rest. In true Seinfeld fashion, though, the episode was both hilarious and "so true."

In the spirit of that episode, I'd like to disclose a recent encounter I had with a "strange talker".

Instead of saying, "It sure is a lovely afternoon." The strange talker would say something like, "I'm just guessing, but it's really nice out right now." And they say this with a smile on their face."

Drafted: 02/2009
Title: Hey, hey! It's my 25 things!

I've written and rewritten this email too many times to count. Seriously. One version was going to have a small novella associated with each of the 25 things, but after number 5 or so I decided that my time (and yours) was more valuable spent anywhere but reading my memoirs.

Another version was a bit too acidic for me. I was in a less-than-cheery mood that night and realized, after writing 9 of my 25 facts, that each one was negatively charged.

So here I am now, in a pleasant, neutral mood, ready to impress you with 25 things that you may or may not know about me. Some are funny, others serious, while others (like my social security number and tomorrow's winning lottery numbers) might just help you get rich.


1) Barry is not my real name. My first name is actually Barret. One T. And yes, if I ever become President of the United States, I will go by Barret.

2) I love Enya. And Techno. And Trance. There. Now you know all of my most embarrassing musical secrets.

3) I dance in the shower often. The style borders on something between Michael Jackson and 80's hair band lead singer. I've only slipped once. That's a pretty damn good track record.

4) Hell and damn are not, in my opinion, swear words. You'll hear me say them here and there. I don't say the SH word or the F word, though. I might slip a "bastard" in there on occasion.

5) I give money to homeless people. Not because I think I'll get blessings for it, but because if I were homeless, I'd like people to give me money. Who am I to judge?

6) Exercise > Eating Right

7) I've broken my nose four times, my left ring finger once, and have completely blown out my PCL in my left knee, though I've never had a cut that required stitches.

8) I am never afraid to speak my mind, though I do try to respect the feelings of others and am always willing to listen. If you're right and I'm wrong, I'll gladly admit that and learn from the experience.

9) I am very often wrong.

10) I aspire to be a voice talent and do things like movie previews and cheesy radio ads.


That last one was written when the "25 things about me" craze was whooshing around Facebook. Maybe someday I'll take the time to finish that one up. It is undoubtedly my favorite unfinished post.



  1. I want to hear more of your 25 things!!! I had no idea your first name was Barret!

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  3. Oh Barret, thanks to #3 I now have the vision of you dancing naked in the shower.

    #4- I do not consider shit to be a swear word, but fully agree with the F word...which I have been known to repeat.

    I simply can't abide by #6.

    I ALWAYS speak my mind, out of sheer stupidity. I am trying very hard to let others speak theirs...without putting my fingers in my ears.

    And lastly, I would love to be a great talent at SOMETHING!

  4. HA! I love this post Barry. And brilliant idea - I have far too many "half finished" drafts in my post folder.

    ... you dance in the shower? lol. ;)

  5. I've found your blog via a note on Facebook, and I'm here to stay. Your creatively trite writing style is everything I wish my blog could be. (Sadly, no matter how hard I try, the witty posts I'd love to write seem to be constantly replaced by "cute kids," as I am at a stage in my life where I really actually have no life.) Anyway, I'll be back frequently, so you'd better keep posting so I can live vicariously through your humor!