A few nights ago I traveled home late from a friend's house. As I neared the freeway I realized that I needed gas so I pulled into a nearby Chevron. The night was pleasant and as I got out to refuel my car I appreciated the cool, early-Spring breeze that carried with it the smell of gasoline. I have always loved this smell. Some say it gives you heart disease. I say it's worth it.
I swiped my card, punched no for the car wash, and opened my gas tank. I had just begun to refuel my car when a wheezing relic of the 70's pulled up in front of the station. It screeched to a halt and immediately the door burst open, an Asian dude jumped out, unzipped his fly, and promptly began peeing all over the concrete. My surprise was so instantaneous that I nearly burst out laughing. Struggling to maintain composure, I quietly turned away from the man and looked around smiling - incredulous at what was happening. There was a very attractive woman in her car adjacent to where I was refueling. I glanced at her to see her reaction, but she seemed engrossed with her phone and was entirely oblivious to what was happening around her. I was so disappointed! I wanted somebody to share this with! Someone with whom I could exclaim, even if only through a glance, "Can you freaking believe this!?" And then laugh.
But it was only the urinator, the oblivious woman, and me.
My gas pump clanked slowly and over its soft, hypnotizing sound there was the invasive splashing of the urinator's torrent - drunkenly befouling the entire parking lot. I was so happy I couldn't smell it and said a silent prayer in praise of the breeze.
Soon he finished, and just as quickly as he'd showed up, he sped out and into the dark of the night, leaving only an acrid puddle in his wake. I wasted no time in finishing my purchase as a dark tributary branched away from this puddle and began creeping downhill toward me. I held my breath as I took my receipt and jumped into my car, escaping a most unpleasant situation.